Deserts Like Eden

19 years ago today was a Sunday.  And it was Father’s Day.  Erik had been in and out of St. Paul hospital since January. We’d been admitted almost a dozen times since the first of the year. After being admitted on April 16 we went back and forth between ICU and the Room 604 where … Continue reading FATHER’S DAY WEEKEND 2003

From the moment I heard the doctor’s words I have been in a perpetual state of frozenness. “It’s the worst thing.” Time stands still, and it gets blurry when I try to take my eyes away from that tiny room thoughtfully stocked with tissue and grief pamphlets. The world races by as I try to … Continue reading Just Be Held

This is my prayer page from over 10 years ago, when I had all the time in the world and evidently a lot of color print cartridges. This was my best time of being a faithful prayer warrior for my children. When they were little and I was a SAHM, I ate them up and … Continue reading GOODNESS

On August 5 we gathered in Tahoka to plant an Evergreen tree at Mom and Dad's house.  It was just a few days after the 1-year anniversary of Bryce's death. We got up early and welcomed Tim Oliver and his son who brought the tree from Lubbock.  That morning it was just us - my … Continue reading Our Evergreen

The day Bryce graduated from high school, the entire family came to celebrate. We ate lunch in a private room at The Gristmill. The windows were open to this glorious, rainy day and the room was decked out with blue and white decor, and baby pictures of my little man-child. Aunt Lou and Uncle Michael … Continue reading Graduation and #momfails

A few weeks ago I started going through old photos and videos on my computer. I laughed and cried as I reminisced over a lifetime of memories and the joy and trials of raising three kids in our little house in South Texas. I have scrolled through this index a hundred times – but now … Continue reading Learning to Fall

Unanswered prayers…oh how they wound us.  Especially when those prayers are for our children.  And when a child dies, a lifetime of unanswered prayers fall flat in the desert.  Dried up and shriveled.  Wasted breath, perhaps?  Lost forever. The agony of those first days and moments after child loss are naturally accompanied by these sad, … Continue reading First Things

She said Bryce was in critical condition.  I asked over and over what happened, but she couldn’t tell me over the phone.  She gave me the address to the hospital in San Marcos and told me to hurry.My brother-in-law Chris once told me something he learned during a survival hike in Utah.  The first 4 … Continue reading Sorrow

** A.E. Housman and Hebrews 12 Rephrased **The time you won your town the raceWe chaired you through the marketplace;Man and boy stood cheering by,And home we brought you shoulder high. Today, the road all runners come,Shoulder high we bring you home,And set you at your threshold down,Townsman of a stiller town. Smart lad, to slip betimes … Continue reading To An Athlete Dying Young